Our brains are funny, aren’t they? Don’t you think it’s crazy how you can accidentally put the ice cream in the microwave instead of the freezer, and lose your credit card when you JUST had it in your hand, and be looking for your sunglasses and they are actually on your face and you are actually looking out of them?! The funniest of these moments happened for me a few weeks ago. I took all the kids in to the grocery store, which usually never happens, and after being in the store for a while, I couldn’t find Aaron. I was calling him and looking around; finally, I asked Josiah, “Jo, where is your brother?”. After giving me a confused look, “Momma, he’s in your arms”! I was holding the kid in my arms and looking all over the store for him. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Nope, true story. And, yes, I am a little embarrassed to post it.
Maybe after hearing that story, you will understand what Jesus has to put up with to get me on the right path sometimes. How many times must He tell me, “What you are looking for, you already have!!” He is glorious for being kind and patient with me, and reminding me over and over, “I’m right here, and I’m at work in you.” That’s all I truly want in life anyway. To have Jesus and for Him to make me more like Him each day. I do get a little confused sometimes and think I want money, or food, or pretty curtains, or “me” time. I had one of these confusing moments the past several weeks, and on Tuesday morning, Jesus reminded me of what I already know.
I was running, and listening to the album Glory Revealed. I had been listening to this album for about two weeks now, but not getting enough of it. And clearly missing something God wanted to show me. I had been struggling to see the purpose of why we were here in MN and in seminary. I guess it is very American of me to think I would already have the answers to those questions after having been here nearly a full year (June 1). I mean we are still no closer to knowing what comes after seminary than we were when we left TX. Plus, I was/am super homesick. As I’m running and thinking about all of these things and wanting to hear from Jesus again. The song covering Isiah 40:3-5 comes on. Here is the scripture covered: “A voice cries:“In the wilderness prepare the way of the LORD; make straight in the desert a highway for our God. 4Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain. 5And the glory of the LORD shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together, for the mouth of the LORD has spoken.” Maybe you see it already, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Here I am in what feels like a wilderness to me- without the comfort of home, without my beloved CBS for accountability, without my sisters, without my friends, without our usual income…etc. And God is still at work. He is making my mountains and hills (my idols of money and comfort) low; He is making my valleys (my missing/longing for my family and home) raised up; and, He is making a highway for Himself in my heart and all the rough places in me He is making plain and I will see the Glory of our Lord revealed!! He is keeping me steadily on the path, so that my flesh and my weakness will see His glory and marvel at His worth! I am so thankful that He is not like me and is able to help this weak, ungrateful human overcome all her faults and love Him! I have heard it said, and it may be a little trite, but still true, that it isn’t the product but the process that is important. So until He reveals what the “product” of seminary is, I can be content knowing that right now, it is the “process” that is the purpose for my life right now. And, I know, He has told me this before!! Thank you, God for telling me again!
I hope this is encouraging to some of you, as you may very likely be in a similar situation. Also, I hope that if you aren’t walking closely with the Lord right now, that you will seek His face and His presence. I am not worth the time He took to show me this vision for my season of life, and yet He did. I promise that He will take the time to show you and walk with you on your journey as well if you press in! He is kinder and greater than you or I can imagine.